Fun extracts from insurance claim forms

• “I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”
• “I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.”
• Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
  A: Travelled by bus?
• This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
  Q: What warning was given by you?
  A: Horn
  Q: What warning was given by the other party?
  A: Moo
• “I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.”
• “On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.”

• “I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight”
• “I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.”
• Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
  A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
• “Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.”
• “The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again”
• “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”
• “The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”
• “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way”
• “A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face”
• “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car”
• “In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
• “I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.”
• “I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.”
• “To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.”
• “My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”
• “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.”
• “I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”

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